What is Destiny?

A shamanic friend reminded me of when we studied Destiny in our work together and she said, “Destiny is our journey back to God.” I’m not sure exactly where her words came from, whether from our teacher or her own divine wisdom but nonetheless, these words struck a chord in me like no other.
    Lately I’ve been a bit concerned about my Destiny as life has thrown me a few big curveballs, or rather, I chose them, didn’t I? Yes I chose to love a very good man who now has early onset Alzheimer’s with Primary progressive aphasia - it is very similar to FTD (what many now know as the Bruce Willis disease since Bruce has FTD and is in fact the same age as my husband.)
    For those who do not know what FTD is or primary progressive aphasia, in layman's terms it is a type of dementia that is characterized by the loss of language, both the ability to speak and to comprehend the words being spoken. It is progressive which means it doesn’t get better, it only progressively gets worse. It is caused by a malfunctioning of the frontal temporal lobes of the brain and my partner’s diagnosis is an unusual type of Alzheimer’s. If you know someone with ALZ, they might not make sense or say the same thing over and over, but they can speak.
    As a writer and a lover of words, the loss of language between us is a very big thing. It is in fact a very big thing for anyone. I miss the days of being able to talk with him about anything and everything for he is the only person I ever met who never tired of hearing me talk...and I like to talk.
    These days, however, find me more in silence after many frustrated attempts to be understood or to have a conversation with the person I spend the most time with. There are many other aspects to this role of mine as a care partner but I will speak about that later, along with all the good stuff.
    Getting back to Destiny, my struggle with it lately and the thing I brought to our shamanic session was this  - how do I live out my Destiny, with all the things I wish to bring to the world and not knowing how much time I have to do them? How do I do this when I’m “stuck” being a care partner basically 24/7?
    I’ve always been very blessed to have a lot of enthusiasm for living life, learning and sharing what I’ve learned, be it through teaching, healing work, cooking, being a Mom, gathering people together, or through my written words on a page. And travel has been my muse, something I would sacrifice most anything to be able to do.
    Now I am tethered like a horse in a barn - never let free except for a few fleeting hours a week. My job, maybe you could call it my Destiny, is mainly caring for this amazingly beautiful and kind man day after day, helping him dress, making him food, communicating for him to others, taking care of his every need. He is funny and a joy and also a very big responsibility and it requires an enormous amount of patience or, as my friend said, LOVE and KINDNESS. And it is the same thing every day. Some days flow easier, some days less so. My second biggest job, equally important, is remembering to take care of me in the process.
    So where, I wondered, did my Destiny go? Can I continue to afford to do my work? Can I afford not to? So many many questions, most of them without good answers.
    But my Destiny is teaching me, every single day - if I am paying attention. How can I be more KIND? How can I be more LOVING? How often can I find the JOY in this? How do I want to make my journey back to GOD? What am I here, now, to learn? Is this, in fact, not as many people would call it, the greatest tragedy, but the greatest gift?
    My most recent awareness around this situation is this: No matter what I do or don't do from this day forward I am an infinite being journeying back to God and it is not what I do but how I do it that counts.
    There is a lot left for me to learn. Reiki Blessings, Rose